by: L Green
Wayward Pines is a weird place, what with their abandoned hospitals, inscrutable rules, and ice cream socials public executions. If I found myself trapped in this Norman Rockwell Hellscape, I’d sure want to leave too. Wayward Pines is definitely one of TV creepiest towns in a long time. But where does it rank overall? Let’s take a look at the nightmarish bergs that have come before.
Home in The X-Files.
Mulder and Scully only visited Home once (though maybe will again?), but once was more than enough. There we got to meet the Peacocks, the town’s resident inbred, incesty, murderous family of sociopaths. Any town that’s a party to this clan is no bueno in my book.
Creep factor: 3 OMGs and 1 oh, Hell no!
Twin Peaks in Twin Peaks.
Ah, the gold standard in quaint, but vaguely not-right, towns. Sure Twin Peaks had their share of murders, mysteries, secrets, hallucinations, demons, prostitution, betrayal, treachery, blackmail, and ill-timed dance parties. But all very charming in its own way, no? Plus, doughnuts!
Creep factor: 1 million damn good cups of coffee with a slice of pie.
Mapleton in The Leftovers.
Poor beleaguered Mapleton. First all their loved ones vanish, then wild dogs take over, nobody listens to Chief Garvey at all, and then a lurking chain smoking cult moves in to give everyone an extra hard time. And don’t even get me started on this appalling memorial statue.
Creep factor: 4 old cigarettes and 1 No, thank you.
New Otherton in Lost.
Time for a throwback town! Remember the very organized community of Others on Lost (cutely called New Otherton, by Sawyer, the human nickname generator)? Having a maniacal lovestruck nerd as your unwavering dictator is probably no good, but I was always Team Others. They all had jobs and houses, book clubs, and an unusual need to organize and label everything. It could be worse.
Creep factor: a million Dharma labels and a Dharma Shark. When do I move in?
Future NY in Fringe.
New York is already a tough place. But jump 20 years to the Orwellian future under Observer rule and things are much harder and much dirtier. You think alternate side of the street parking and the MTA are tough? At least there’s enough oxygen and we’re not all frozen in amber and ruled by bald emotionless geniuses from the future. Yet.
Creep factor: 10 portals to the future worth of See ya.
White Pine Bay from Bates Motel.
“This is beautiful!” says Norma as she drives along the coast into scenic White Pine Bay. And it is beautiful with lush forests and ocean views and a charming downtown. But the town is run with drug money, fueled by murder, suspicion, greed, and backstabbing. Oh, and then there’s Norman.
Creep factor: 1 basement taxidermy lair and a couple of Nuh uhs. .
Caldwell in The Returned.
What a quaint little town, nestled comfortably in the Pacific Northwest. Oh and all your dead family members are showing back up!
Creep factor: 1 giant nopetapus
Wayward Pines from Wayward Pines.
So let’s discuss the town in question: Wayward Pines is like Twin Peaks but without the charm. Everyone’s a bit of an oddball, but also super nosy and and all up in everybody else’s business. To be fair, their motto of living in the present, isn’t the worst advice I’ve heard. But nothing says live for today like the looming threat of a public execution.
Creep factor: 1,000 ice cream cones of doom.
Chester’s Mill from Under the Dome.
Have you heard? Chester’s Mill was a town like any other. But then a pesky dome dropped from the sky and now it’s the thunderdome! Really it only took a couple of weeks before the good people or rural Maine started getting all murdery and setting up a fight club for sport. Seems to me they were just looking for a reason to turn on each other…
Creep factor: 4 severed cows and a dozen mysterious eggs.
Mystic falls from The Vampire Diaries.
Would I want to live in Mystic Falls? Everyone’s either a witch, vampire, werewolf, cursed, trapped, murdered, or doomed. So, no. But I wouldn’t mind visiting–everyone’s so pretty and they throw the best parties!
Creep factor: 1 million beautiful vampire points!
Eagleton from Parks and Recreation.
Oh, sorry, Ealgeton isn’t creepy, it just sucks. Eagleton sucks!
Creep factor: shut it, Eagleton. No points for you.
So there you have it. Wayward Pines is slightly less creepy than a town where dead people have shown back up and slightly more creepy than an uber-organized island prison. Good for you, Wayward Pines!