The Walking Dead is nothing if not informational. Thanks to Rick and the gang, we now all know how to mostly survive a zombie apocalypse (What? You weren’t taking notes?). Tonight we say hello to Negan and goodbye to Season 6. Thanks for the memories, Walking Dead, and for a season full of useful pro-tips and life lessons. What exactly has season 6 taught us? Read below and consider yourself enlightened.
This is why we can’t have nice things. We’re looking at you, Alexandrians, with your solar energy and Pottery Barn decor. The nicer your home in the zombie apocalypse, the weaker you are. Law of nature.
The only thing slower than walkers are turtles. Don’t be a turtle. Case in point:
If you fail a gazillion times, eventually you’ll do something right. Ahem, Gabriel. Nice to see that you stepped up. Finally. A millionth time’s a charm in the zombie apocalypse.
You probably shouldn’t scare children.
Oh, Carol, remember when you scared the crap out of poor dumb Sam with your passive aggressive cookies and tales of being eaten alive by zombies and we cheered you on?! We shouldn’t have done that and you really shouldn’t have done it. Turns out kids remember those kinds of stories and blind fear has a tendency to derail even the best laid plans.
Just because you’re awesome, doesn’t mean you’re not also wrong. Have Walking Dead fans become so enamored with Carol’s badassery that we no longer see that she’s sort of not right a lot of the time. Like when she told that poor Alexandrian woman to smoke outside (which resulted in her getting axed to death), or when she thought leaving on her own was a good idea (it really wasn’t), or her misguided notion that she’s good with children. (See above; she’s not) (See also 2 seasons ago).
Spikewagons are genius.
This is the kind of apocalyptic innovation I like to see!
You can lead a walker herd to a quarry, but you can’t make them drink.
Oh, that’s not how that saying goes? Or… You can lead a walker herd to a quarry, but somebody will get killed and fall on their car horn and create a massive distraction and ruin everything. Tomato Tomahto.
This is survivable:
You just have to want it enough.
Don’t be that guy. Morgan just can’t hang. Morgan, I love you, but the morality lectures all the time and the cumbersome Gandalf staff (that’s what I call it) just aren’t going with the flow. You’re slowing the group down, dude.
Getting shot in the eye is not a big deal.
Unless it’s with an arrow and you’re just a guest actor:
Apples are the new cigarettes.
If you come across a Whistling Men’s Choir in the foggy woods, get out of there immediately! Really, is this not the greatest lesson of all?
We should have learned to appreciate Jeffrey Dean Morgan’s charming pizza-eating, robe-wearing, lovable Jason on The Good Wife more while we had the chance. Because now he’s Negan 😦
Why’d you leave us, friend?
See you in the fall for season 7, zombie fans!